


We Fall Down But We Get Up

by Donovanspen



Series: Walk Through the Valley [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A hunting mistake makes everyone stop and think.</p>
<p>"Now you have a right to be upset with me, but don’t pretend that you don’t know why I feel this way.  I’m tired of having something good in my life only to lose it.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Fall Down But We Get Up

Dean watched as Cas gingerly made his way across the worn carpet towards the bed. A wave of guilt washed over him with every slow, painstaking step.

He’d screwed up. When they got into the house, there had been more demons than expected, and he thought Cas would be overwhelmed. There was no way that their initial plan would work, especially with Cas still feeling the lingering effects of bronchitis. But his emotions had clouded his judgment, and he’d severely underestimated what Cas could handle. In the end, he had to pull on what powers he had left to save them all, something that wouldn’t have been necessary if Dean hadn’t allowed himself to be blindsided.

“I’m sorry. I thought I could do this, but I don’t think I can.”

Both brothers looked over at him, but Sam was the first one to respond. “Cas, what’s wrong?”

“I know what I am, and I thought I had accepted what I’m to become, but I …these feelings. I know that I am less, but I’m still me.”

This time the guilt came as a sharp stab. A quick glance at his brother’s pinched expression confirmed that he was still pretty annoyed at him as well. 

Sam went over and sat next to Cas. “Look, tonight was a shitstorm. We had bad info going in, and honestly, Dean screwed the pooch. But we were all wrong. We shouldn’t be hunting right now. When one of us needs time to heal or recover, we give it to them. Period.”

“I’m a liability.”

“You’ve saved our asses more than anyone. Tonight included. This wasn’t about your ability to hunt. It’s…” he shot a look towards Dean.

And his brother was right. It was on him to explain. “Sam, can you give us a minute?”

“Yeah. Seeing as how I’m the only one who isn’t banged up, I guess I’ll get dinner.”

“Thanks.” He waited until the door closed, more because he was struggling for the right words than for the need for privacy. 

Cas hadn’t moved. He was still sitting stiffly on the bed, holding himself as if even the process of breathing was too much for him. Dean walked over and sat next to him. Over the past few months, he had become pretty good at reading Cas, figuring out what the angel was feeling, even when Cas didn’t seem to know himself. And right now, he was fairly certain that his friend felt frustrated, overwhelmed and simply wore out.

“Sam’s right you know. This one’s on me. I should have trusted that you had it covered.”

“Why didn’t you? And please be honest with me.”

“Ok. Honestly, I get a little crazy when someone I care about might get hurt.”

“But you don’t react this way with Sam.”

“Dude, are you kidding me? Have you really forgotten all the crazy shit I’ve pulled to keep Sammy safe? It’s how we met. Look,” he reached over and took hold of Cas’ hand, threading their fingers together. “My first instinct is to protect. Now you have a right to be upset with me, but don’t pretend that you don’t know why I feel this way. I’m tired of having something good in my life only to lose it.”

Cas finally looked up at him, his blue eyes wide but so very tired. “Dean, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.”

That admission hurt more than he had expected, but at least it was honest. As far as Cas could tell, anyways. He knew that he was taking a risk with the angel feeling a whole series of conflicting emotions, and the last thing Dean wanted to do was add to the confusion. But he also wasn’t about to stand by and make the mistake of not letting Cas know how he felt. Whatever the fallout, they would deal with it. 

“That’s ok.” He made a point of not releasing his hand. “You don’t have to know right now. I get that you’re feeling a whole bunch of stuff, but I remember being in your head, Cas. I know you care about me. We’ll just figure out a way that works for us to express it. I’m not going to pressure you, and if anything makes you uncomfortable, tell me.”

He didn’t say anything, but Dean was encouraged by the slight squeeze Cas gave his hand before pulling away and heading into the bathroom.

Despite everything that had happened, he still couldn’t keep himself from hovering near the bathroom door, listening for any possible hint that Cas might need help. And it was a good thing, too, even though he probably would have heard Cas even if he had been across the room. 

Cas opened the door and slumped heavily against the frame until Dean grabbed hold of him and led him back over to the bed. They stumbled a bit with Dean shouldering most of his weight, and Cas gripping the thin motel towel that he had around his waist.

“Easy,” he murmured, getting him settled. The shower had washed away the blood and dirt, allowing Dean to get a good look at him.

He ran a critical eye over him, taking in each bruise and mark. Cas definitely took a few hits, but it was pulling on his angelic strength that had done the most damage and that wasn’t something that Dean could actually see beyond Cas appearing exhausted. His right shoulder was tore up from where he’d hit the wall. “This isn’t deep enough for stitches,” he mused as he gently prodded at the light grazes and the one deeper gash. Everything was clean from the shower so he just needed to apply the first aid.

“Wait, is this gonna heal on its own?”

“Not anytime soon,” Cas sighed.

“Ok, sit tight. Hey, do you think you can get into these while I get the first aid kit?” He held up a pair of sleep pants that he had pulled out for him. 

“I can manage,” he rasped, taking the offered clothing. 

Dean was tempted to help him, but he knew to leave well enough alone. Cas had accepted his help when leaving the bathroom. He’d let Dean know when he needed him. Right now, though, he looked as if he was about to fall over, sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting patiently for Dean to patch his shoulder.

“Sorry,” he soothed as Cas flinched from the sting of the antiseptic and then again when Dean applied the butterfly bandages. 

“All done. Just let me get you some ibuprofen and then you’ll be set.”

“No. No pills.”

“Cas,” he turned around to argue, but he was already climbing under the sheets. He was about to protest, tell him he was going to feel like shit in the morning, but the sound died in his throat. He could most likely badger him into taking them, but it was more important for Cas to feel as if he was in control of his choices.

“I’ll be fine,” he muttered, his face already burrowed into the pillow.

Sharing a bed hadn’t become a thing for them because Cas hadn’t made sleeping a regular occurrence. If their motel room had a comfortable armchair or sofa, Cas would often spend the night resting in the chair. On the rare occasions that he did feel the need to adequately rest, then he shared with Dean. 

And honestly, it wasn’t as weird as he’d expected. He actually felt better having Cas close to him.

   

 

 

Cas was snoring softly when Sam returned twenty minutes later with his arms filled with carryout. 

“Barbecue?” Dean sniffed. “So I’m forgiven?”

“Almost. Is he asleep?”

“Who knows?” Dean shrugged. “He hasn’t had any nightmares so I’m leaning towards that angel meditating thing he does.” He knew that Sam only asked because he wanted to talk, so he grabbed his jacket and headed towards the door.

Leaning against the hood of the Impala, he waited. He’d messed up and Sam deserved the right to have his say.

“Look, I get it. I really do. I want to protect him also, Dean. I think it sucks that he’s going through this, but I also think we’re going about it in the wrong way.”

“So what? Stop hunting until he’s well? We don’t know what’s going to happen next or when. We can’t keep him in a bubble, and Cas wouldn’t let us, anyways.”

“No,” Sam agreed. “But we can tone it down, go at a slower pace. I spoke with Bobby while I was out. He has some easy stuff we can do to keep us in the game.”

“I doubt Cas will go for it.”

“It’s actually right up his alley. Bobby mentioned some estate sales that have old texts that might be useful, and there are some libraries with texts that need translations. He’s never gotten around to it because it takes too long, but Cas could be in and out of there in a day.”

“Shopping and taking notes?” he scoffed. “Not likely.”

“Bobby thinks it’s important. It’s just been low on the priority list compared to the apocalypse and Eve. How do you think he built up his library?”

Good point. But he was still pretty sure that Cas would just see it as busy work.

“There’s something else. I know that Cas feels like he needs to do this, but he’s not falling. He’s changing, becoming part of humanity. All he sees of this life is what he experiences with us. He’s like a brother. I don’t want everything he does with us to be associated with pain.”

And Dean didn’t want that for him either. “So milk runs and note taking it is.”

   

 

When Cas awoke with a gasp in the early hours of the morning, Dean was right there beside him, murmuring words of comfort. “Breathe. Deep breaths, ok? It’s all right. I’m right here.”

It took him a moment, but Cas seemed to shake the effects of the dream fairly quickly. He took a final deep shuddering breath and rolled over, only to grimace and roll back onto his stomach when his sore shoulder brushed the mattress. 

“Easy.” Dean rested his hand on his arm, hoping the touch would ground him. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” Cas blew out a soft sigh as he struggled to push himself up into a sitting position.

“No, come here.” Dean tugged on his arm, easing Cas towards him. Careful of his injured shoulder, he shifted them around until the other man was pressed up against him. “Better?”

Dean was surprised when Cas brushed his lips briefly against his before shyly tucking his face into the warm crook of his neck.

“Yes. Much better,” Cas whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for any typos I may have missed.


End file.
